When the Loser Moves Out of Crown Town

Post Grad Frolicking

From the moment I graduated, and quite honestly before then too, I had no tangible plans for how to handle post grad life. For the first 6 months I stayed at my college job and, without too much worry, decided to enjoy life beyond the restrictions of school schedules and assignments. My friends and I went on camping trips, went out on Saturday nights, went to Vegas and enjoyed the freedom of making travel plans without having to worry about class.

Yet when those first six months were up, I began to feel uneasy. What was I going to do from there? I had no internship experience and every job I wanted needed experience. Feelings of being utterly lost began to creep up. It was exactly at that six month mark that I created this blog, started my internship at the magazine I now freelance for and tried to really start a plan for myself.

There’s a whole lot of pressure to jump from that graduation stage and stick the perfect landing on a full time job. Reality is, it’s pretty damn hard to do even if you plan ahead. Post graduation is going to look extremely different for everyone. “That’s what they all say, Kiara.” Well yah, because it’s true!

I can only think of two people in my circle who didn’t move back in to their parents’ home. One went to grad school and the other was already living out of state. Post grad will most definitely have you hide in a cave, while everyone around you seems to be accomplishing the things you want for yourself.

Let’s be real, a lot of us are frontin’.

And that’s not to say people are faking their accomplishments, but they aren’t always going to highlight the struggle of getting there.

I graduated June of 2016. Only now in January of 2018, two and a half years later, have I landed a full time job and been able to move out and afford rent on my own (barely may I add). I have been handed a unique situation in which I have the ability to afford cost of living and bills when my yearly salary still isn’t very ideal.

I guess my point for this post is to reflect. I had major insecurities for the last two and a half years that all centered around not finding that full time job. I had setbacks so overwhelming, they further hindered my ability to find the independence I so desperately wanted. And then, truly as if it fell from the sky and placed itself in my lap, a new job appeared that shifted my life into one I had been praying for.

It by no means is my dream job, but it is the perfect opportunity and just the thing I needed to shake my life up.

I say all of this with a big breath of relief. I was worried I wouldn’t get here to be honest. 25 is around the corner and to be at that age with a dead end, part time is pretty scary when you don’t see the finish. Having to wait through these two and a half years was near torture, so I won’t dare say to you that things happen in their own time and that you just need to be patient (because that’s bullshit advice).

Instead I will say to you that I know the wait and the unknown are excruciating.  I can’t give you much help to make it any easier. I could tell you to be nice to yourself, but I know that it won’t work. I wasn’t nice to myself. You want to be mean to yourself in hopes it will push you out of the situation you’re in. I guess all I can tell you is that sometimes you do have to suffer and keep working through your days until one day the suffering is over. Because eventually, it will end.

I can finally say that because I am officially moved out, I am no longer a resident or a Loser of Crown Town. That’s pretty amazing. Maybe now I can be the loser of something else until I overcome that barrier next. But as it stands, the rocky waters of my life have finally evened out to a peaceful flow and I’ll happily rest here for now.

I Quit Without Another Job Lined Up

My parents might kill me when they find out. Yes, I put my notice in for my part time job. I just couldn’t continue anymore. There’s a multitude of reasons for this.

I no longer live in Irvine and the hour commute to get there at 5:45am is death.

My wage was not equivalent to my job title and work I put in.

I decided to dedicate more time to my internship.

I’ve been there for almost three years, it was fucking time.

I’m graduated and I’m so fucking over it.

Fuck-you-half-baked.gif

Everyone has been waiting for me to leave. Friends, family, even some other coworkers. All knew that it was time. Leaving Chickfila became a running joke at work. A threat I told everyone but I would never follow through on (until now). I kept saying I was leaving but just ended up staying 8 months after graduation. Ridiculous. I didn’t think it would take so long to find another job. Life is full of surprises.

I was playing the waiting game. Waiting on a job offer, waiting for someone else to decide when I would quit, instead of just doing so myself. I admit, in part, I was probably a little scared. I was afraid of quitting with no job ready to go after, so I put it off. However, in doing so I realized that I had become stuck. I was stuck waiting on another opportunity. Too afraid to leave without having a paycheck coming in.

The idea still makes me nervous. The difference now though is that I do have something that will be occupying my time. It just doesn’t pay unfortunately. But it’s okay. I decided I have to invest a little now in order to get the experience I need, even if that might mean sometimes I won’t be bringing in the dollars I’d like. I have enough saved to take care of loan payments and I plan on getting another part time, just waaayyyy closer to home.

However, as of now my priority remains my internship and demonstrating the importance the position holds for me to the rest of the team I work with.

If only you knew how big of a step this is for me. Maybe you do. Leaving my college job in some sense is me finally closing the chapter of my undergrad life. It was the last step and now, my connection to that life is officially over. I am officially done with Irvine and officially in the next chapter of my life. And it feels absolutely amazing.

Battle of the Dishes

Life with mom and dad can tend to be mundane, especially if you’re living in suburbia. It can become so mundane that each of you begin to nitpick the other for the tiniest, insignificant domestic issues. Of course, it doesn’t feel tiny and insignificant. Being at home can make your world feel shrunken back to high school size. The pace and flow of your life takes a beat after college. It slows down and tries to catch its breath after four years of hustle and bustle.

When your world feels smaller, small problems seem bigger. You come from your day at work or job hunting, you walk through the threshold, and there is mom or dad pestering you about something.

In my case it is household chores. At my mother’s house it has become a battle of the dishes.

I come home from a full day at my job; a job I wake up for at 4am. I drive an hour in traffic to get back to Crown Town and I walk in the doors around 3 or 4. I take some time to relax, maybe I take a nap.

Shortly after, in comes mother. Wondering why I haven’t cleaned the kitchen. A mess that I haven’t contributed to on my own in this three-person household. Now, I have no issues with cleaning up after a mess I’ve made. However, there’s always someone who doesn’t bother cleaning or maybe they feel like they have done their share already. Next thing you know you’re debating about the most inane topic. It feels like 17 all over again. Except now you have less of that rebel fire in you and you quickly give up just to get the rest of the family to shut up.

Whether your parents are on you for chores, not spending enough quality time, your personal organization, or life choices, I guarantee that it will make you insane given enough of a push.

You will think to yourself, when did my life become this? How much longer until I can have my own place again? How did I think coming back would be so easy?

Then you remember, you haven’t much of a choice. You’re living there to save money, and you’re parents are giving you a roof for free. This is their territory so no matter what, they win. This is THE most difficult pill to swallow, but you do it because you need shelter and they’re family.

Hang in there, kid. Because even though you are over the legal age, that’s all you are to them, a kid. Their kid. Their kid who has come crawling back to them. You basically have no power. The sooner you accept this, the better.

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