From the moment I graduated, and quite honestly before then too, I had no tangible plans for how to handle post grad life. For the first 6 months I stayed at my college job and, without too much worry, decided to enjoy life beyond the restrictions of school schedules and assignments. My friends and I went on camping trips, went out on Saturday nights, went to Vegas and enjoyed the freedom of making travel plans without having to worry about class.
Yet when those first six months were up, I began to feel uneasy. What was I going to do from there? I had no internship experience and every job I wanted needed experience. Feelings of being utterly lost began to creep up. It was exactly at that six month mark that I created this blog, started my internship at the magazine I now freelance for and tried to really start a plan for myself.
There’s a whole lot of pressure to jump from that graduation stage and stick the perfect landing on a full time job. Reality is, it’s pretty damn hard to do even if you plan ahead. Post graduation is going to look extremely different for everyone. “That’s what they all say, Kiara.” Well yah, because it’s true!
I can only think of two people in my circle who didn’t move back in to their parents’ home. One went to grad school and the other was already living out of state. Post grad will most definitely have you hide in a cave, while everyone around you seems to be accomplishing the things you want for yourself.
Let’s be real, a lot of us are frontin’.
And that’s not to say people are faking their accomplishments, but they aren’t always going to highlight the struggle of getting there.
I graduated June of 2016. Only now in January of 2018, two and a half years later, have I landed a full time job and been able to move out and afford rent on my own (barely may I add). I have been handed a unique situation in which I have the ability to afford cost of living and bills when my yearly salary still isn’t very ideal.
I guess my point for this post is to reflect. I had major insecurities for the last two and a half years that all centered around not finding that full time job. I had setbacks so overwhelming, they further hindered my ability to find the independence I so desperately wanted. And then, truly as if it fell from the sky and placed itself in my lap, a new job appeared that shifted my life into one I had been praying for.
It by no means is my dream job, but it is the perfect opportunity and just the thing I needed to shake my life up.
I say all of this with a big breath of relief. I was worried I wouldn’t get here to be honest. 25 is around the corner and to be at that age with a dead end, part time is pretty scary when you don’t see the finish. Having to wait through these two and a half years was near torture, so I won’t dare say to you that things happen in their own time and that you just need to be patient (because that’s bullshit advice).
Instead I will say to you that I know the wait and the unknown are excruciating. I can’t give you much help to make it any easier. I could tell you to be nice to yourself, but I know that it won’t work. I wasn’t nice to myself. You want to be mean to yourself in hopes it will push you out of the situation you’re in. I guess all I can tell you is that sometimes you do have to suffer and keep working through your days until one day the suffering is over. Because eventually, it will end.
I can finally say that because I am officially moved out, I am no longer a resident or a Loser of Crown Town. That’s pretty amazing. Maybe now I can be the loser of something else until I overcome that barrier next. But as it stands, the rocky waters of my life have finally evened out to a peaceful flow and I’ll happily rest here for now.