There are some days when I wake up and I can tell I’m feeling a bit down. It’s usually on my off days when I’m not being distracted by interning or work. With everyone in the house gone and most everyone I know busy, if I don’t get up early and make myself do things, I begin to sink even more.
Sinking is not something that happens just in one day and then the next day it’s back to normal. I’ve been sinking since probably November or December. It’s very slow. It’s like Post-Grad Funk: Extended Addition. It’s the moment when the funk starts to feel a bit more permanent. I sink a little bit each day, but I don’t notice it everyday if that makes sense.
Last night I noticed it. This morning I noticed it. It’s not any one, particular thought that makes me sink. It’s a vague feeling. And I knew that if I wasn’t productive with my day today it would get worse.
When I really think about it, its the uncertainty of my life that acts as the catalyst for sinking. It’s probably different for everyone, but I’m willing to bet that for anyone around my age it just might be the same factor.
So last night I set my alarm for 7am. Waking up early almost guarantees a better day just because you feel good about yourself for getting up early when you didn’t necessarily have to.
I try to run any errands I need within the first two hours of getting up. It help me to feel productive, even if it’s as simple as going to the grocery store.
Going out for a jog. Walking my dog through the park. Being outside at all will help me to feel better. April is a beautiful, sunny month in California. Escaping the house will always make me feel like I’m a part of the rest of the population rather than the sense of isolation I get from being inside my house.
Face-to-face interaction or vocal communication helps because I need to hear others’ voices. It helps get me out of my own head and texting just doesn’t cut it. I’m an extrovert by nature and being around others is how I get my energy.
Lastly, I try to get my responsibilities taken care of. If I spent the entire day being a vegetable on youtube or Netflix (where I’m just staring at a screen) I would feel guilty and frustrated with myself. So if I’m on the computer I need to at least spend a few hours working on assignments for my internship or applying to jobs or working on my online classes. Something. Anything that will help push me further for my future.
It’s so crazy to think that even though I’m doing multiple things to better myself and get to where I want to be, I still feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m still so self-conscious of where I’m at in life. It’s never enough. So I guess the best thing to do is to keep yourself busy until it goes away? Who knows.
I might be ignoring the sinking or pushing it off, but it’s better than letting it engulf me.